I want you to be happy, thats what i want. I want for you to wake up in the morning and be so excited by the sunshine, so excited to make a plan for yourself. How can you not see what you are doing, what you are becoming? Who you are becoming. Who are you becoming? because you are not the person i knew before.
I want you to find love, real love from a man, someone who treats you like a woman, not a possession, someone who doesn't only want to fuck you on sight but wants to hang out with you, go to the park with you, be around you and make you laugh, someone you are yourself with, who you can be a child with, who you can be scared infront of. Someone real and functioning in this world who loves life and loves you.
I want you to have sex, real loving sex with somebody you know and trust and who makes you feel good about yourself, not as though you need to be this wild person. No expectation sex. Just comfortable and real.
i don't want you to be hardened by life, i dont want you to surround yourself with the things that make you dissapointed in humanity. I want you to keep some child-like innocence.
Most of all i want for you to want these things, i want for you to love life, to participate in it and let the world know youre not giving up yet. Its not that bad out there, there are good things aswell as bad, If only you would open your eyes and see how much you are missing out on, how much the world can give to you if you just try to be light again.
It isnt easy, but if i can do it you can too.
I want to help you, but you dont want it. So all i can do is want these things for you and pray to whoever it is that listens, pray that you will see it someday soon.

i love you and i'm sorry.