Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Lynard Skynard- Simple Man 1987

If they didn't all look so comical this would make me cry, fucking incredible.

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.


Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I love the shit out of you

There is no better feeling than that of human comfort. Knowing that someone is there for you, being hugged, loved, coming home to someone. Feeling wanted and being able to make another person feel wanted. Knowing that you are loved and loving them just the same in return.
I feel so safe and at home here, as though there is a world outside the doors but we aren't part of it because we have our own world right here. You and Me.
I love this feeling. It doesnt happen all the time but when it does i want to stay in bed with you, roll around and watch tv, tell stories we've probably told before, have sex, sweat, get hot and sleepy, eat food, hold hands while lying right next to eachother. Just be together, almost like children. Because thats what happens when youre in love, you can be a kid again, free in the knowledge that all pretense is gone, any mask that hid you or image that restricts you is gone when only with eachother. And i can thorw a tantrum or be childish and irrational but you won't get mad because maybe you love me for it, or put up with it because that behaviour is a part of me. And it makes me feel safe here, with you. I haven't really had that before, the feeling that you would never leave me or abandon me. I think thats the feeling ive missed out on for most of my life, comfort.
..And now i have it because of you.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I just have this lack of care at the moment, I feel like everything is staying the same and so am i to an extent, however the everything that used to interest me just doesn't anymore. I suppose what i meant in my writing last week was that i seem to be becoming more and more detached from all that i used to be involved in. It feels good, as though maybe something else is happening. Or maybe I'm making other things happen and not just being taken along with the waves of familiarity. Same old streets on the same old day.
But today it feels like life, real life. Like waking out of a dreary dream and leaving all those characters behind for a while.
Leaving it all behind for something else.. Even if i'm not quite sure what that is yet.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The thing is,I don't care about music festivals, i don't care about seeing bands, i don't care if i miss something that would seemingly leave me behind. I have no desire to be the prettiest. I find no need to be desired by all or even some. Male attention makes me uncomfortable when it is given to me by someone i don't desire back. I don't need money, i like it because it gives me some level of freedom (no matter how much i wish that weren't the case) but tangible things have never been my desire.
A girl I know said she would only accept an engagement ring from her boyfriend that valued at $20,000. I couldnt grasp this. I couldnt understand and i still cant. How can people feel that life is measured by things?

What ive learnt is that it is the spaces in between the stuff and things that make up our lives.

"When i look at a tree i don't look at the leaves, but the light that shines in between them"

My dad told me that quote yesterday and it made perfect sense.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


I have nightmares alot, usually about snakes or trying to fly away from something that never seems to make sense in the morning. My most common is running away from a large faceless man, i never know what it wants to do to me but i know it isnt good. I need to get away. I run to my house thinking it should be safe there but the door never locks, i try to hold it closed, sometimes Nigel is there too trying to help me shut it out, i say "it" because i know its not a man, its an energy, a memory. Every time the door opens and its about to burst through i wake up and i cry or shake and Nigel is there to make me feel ok but the feeling stays for a long time afterwards.
There is no worse fear than whatever it is thats chasing me but sometimes i wish i could stay asleep so in my dream i could face it, let it get me or show itself so maybe the nightmares would go away and i could understand why my dream world is so incredibly different to how i feel when i'm awake.

As the Sparrow

To give life you must take life,
and as our grief falls flat and hollow
upon the billion-blooded sea
I pass upon serious inward-breaking shoals rimmed
with white-legged, white-bellied rotting creatures
lengthily dead and rioting against surrounding scenes.
Dear child, I only did to you what the sparrow
did to you; I am old when it is fashionable to be
young; I cry when it is fashionable to laugh.

I hated you when it would have taken less courage
to love.

Charles Bukowski