Tuesday, July 27, 2010


1. An antifoundationalist believes that life is defined by personal experiences. Therefore a person's view of life is an "ongoing self-corrective process" in which "knowlege changes with time." In this respect knowlege is transient, existing only until something better comes along to replace it

2. To an antifoundationalist, learning is only something which man uses to comprehend what society thinks. An antifoundationalist believes that everything exists only because we believe it is there. Therefore reality only exists for the individual, because everything we perceive is from the individual.

3. Antifoundationalism is the rejection of the idea of a single unified whole in which everything is ultimatley interrelated. The existence of what we call knowledge only exists because we have created it.


There is a part of the world i want to keep hidden, an ignorance i choose as my own. There is a moral standard I will always keep, and i will keep it quietly without exposing it to anyone. I keep it quietly while I watch so many people just like me let it slide. It is my standard because of my story, because of the experiences ive had.

I know we all have different stories that lead us down our different paths, but it is so clear that this in particular is a journey with no destination. A plight with no cause.
There are some things that cant be trivialised and for me this is one. I will do alot of things, almost anything, but not that.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer? ...

There are several things that i am truly passionate about, one is love, one is my desire for knowledge and my instinctual craving to know more about things, curiosity i suppose. I love to write, i am better at writing than i am at speaking, in the sense that my thoughts are never conveyed truthfully enough through my mouth, yet when it comes to putting them down on paper it seems natural to me, as though being myself is a far greater task when the words fall on the ears of others. I love poetry, although its rare i write it anymore i have a great desire to put words together, whether or not they ever reach paper is a different story. I am passionate about my generation, the way society has morphed over the years, the way desires have changed, morals have distorted, I am deeply interested in our society and culture and i find myself writing lots of my own social commentary. I love music, new old whatever, I can find beauty in the most ridiculous songs and i dont think that is a bad thing at all no matter how embarrassed i should be about the songs that make me cry.
I am interested and drawn to the hard workers, people with not much money, people with a story, pain. I find the plight of others eternally facsinating and i could spend hours talking to a homeless man, yet can sometimes not bare to spend five minutes with someone my own age.
I find so many things in life beautiful, devastatingly so. And i have alot of saddness in me that i would never trade for anything, i believe saddness makes you more human and more visible.
I have fire in me that has been used for alot of useless things, fire that blew up into anger and rage and all sorts of situations that made me ashamed to be me. It isnt until the past year or two that I have felt that anger soften and found myself changing, growing and becoming more the person i want to be.
I am remebering passions that i forgot i had, my passion for writing, music, poetry, drawing. And animals.
I have an instinct that draws me to the helpless,t he sick, the injured, the messed up. And i look at the freedom of wild animals as one of the only raw and beautiful things left in the world. We are fucked, i mean when im completely honest our society is fucked. We are cruel to eachother, we are a greedy money hungry system, the good people are few and far between. And the ones that matter, the ones ina position to change anything or make anything better are solely driven by money and the desire for power. I am only 23 and I am already so sorely dissapointed by what i know of the world. The things humanity is capable of terrifies me beyond belief.
What i know so far of life is that in todays society we are not in control of very much at all, but the one thing we have ownership of are our decisions. The decision to be lazy or proactive, the decision to be informed or in denial. The decision to make our lives worth living, or to coast through the world taking the road more travelled.
What i have known for a long time yet have become even more informed about of late is our unwavering cruelty to animals, whether it be for food, clothing, money, entertainment. I am not ok with it. Just as i am not ok with our disgusting treatment of eachother.
To say we will achieve harmony, unity, world peace or anything of the sort is just grandiose romanticism, its unachieveable on a mass scale, but right here in my tiny part of the universe i can live as i believe we should.
I will not eat meat not because i believe vegetarianism is the only Right or Just way but because the only alternative is wrong and UN-just. Whether an animal is born to eventually be a pet or food it has the right to experience the basic freedoms of its life. They are what is beautiful and innocent in the world, and in lots of ways they are where we came from. We are animals just like them. We are superior only in the sense that we are capable of moral choice and rationale. To be comfortable with the person I am I need to be proud of the decisions i make, and i do not condone mass production of anything, let alone life for the purpose of consumption.

Dear you,

What you worship is ultimately meaningless, the universal purpose of life is so much greater than what is confined to your 4 walls or what i know you find important. It is not immaturity that makes me how i am, this is WHO i am. I seem carefree because i choose to be, I am happy because I dont let the meaningless dictate my life. I do not put value on the valueless because i have a spirit that desires more than that and what i want from life cant be found in an office or a pay check, worrying about the futile and inane. I will find it in the truth of my own life when it beats the shit out of me, when love and lust make me pour out endless tears, when the bottle beats me sober and the pain of the past renews my faith in a happy future, I will find it in the truth of the world, never confined to four walls.
I am free because I choose to be, through the aching of skin or the desire for more while recieving less, noone will ever own or be the boss of me. I am my own god, my own answer. And i wont ever change for you or anybody else.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I wrote this a while ago on my other blog, i just re-read it and thought how much it still applies yet how much i have disassociated from the image i was writing about. I feel like this entry defines my thoughts on the subject and on my experiences as a young person. I was thinking these same thoughts today when i came across this writing and i realised ive thought all these things before.

The awkwardness June 24th 2008
Theres alot of things i notice, ecspecially of late with a clear mind and clear eyes, i see things i dont think i used to. Well maybe i did, but i chose to ignore them because subconsiously i knew i was part of it all too.
We live in a society and culture of cool, a time where it matters what you look like, who you are, what you do, who you know, how you act. It would seem embarrassing to some that i even bring it up because if it is talked about then it is true, if i say it then i mustnt be cool, i musnt be a part of the charade that has become this place and this time because if i was then i wouldnt notice it all. Its as though we have all forgotten where we came from, what we are. All just people born, grown, fed, loved, hated, young, old, pretty, ugly. We are all the same species who came from our mothers wombs and who will one day die. Maybe we wont even get to grow old, some of us will die of cancer or in a car accident, some will have a heart attack too young, some will marry, some won't, some will die with a loving partner, they will die feeling loved and satisfied, others will die alone and sad. And thats the way it is, but we forget. And i watch it all like pictures on a screen, all these people so goodlooking, so desperate to be noticed and seen as different. You can smell it as they walk by, the intrinsic need to be accepted yet still seen as anti establishment, anti society, anti mainstream. And at first they all seem so fucking legitimate, I think to myself; what the fuck am i doing here? my clothes arent cool, my hairs not done, I havent heard of that band or that artist and i dont know that person. Im just a fucking human. But when you watch it all, really watch it you can see.. It comes with a flick of the hair, a cross of the legs or a glance of the eye. and i see it, i know the awkwardness because ive felt it. The nervouseness of not being comfortable in your own skin, of watching everybody else because maybe they have a better idea than you, maybe they can teach you something you dont already know that will make you seem more like the person you want to be. The girl with the hair bleached until its dead and coarse, black eye make up and red lipstick, she looks good and everybody tells her so, but she wishes deep down her hair felt soft and could grow longer, she wishes they all liked her without the make up and the high heels and the masks and costumes she uses every night, she secretly doesnt like this song but she dances and sings along anyway because evrybody else does and although everybody wants to be so fucking different you'd better not let them know that you dont agree.
We can dress it up as much as we like, we can make it smell differnt, look different, seeem different but underneath it all its just the same.
We froget where we came from, we all came from our mothers, we were born naked and bare without music or make up, we went to pre school, we were kids and none of us gave a shit about any of it, it was just about fun and being alive and appreciating anything and everything. We made it up as we went along, traits to make us stand out and seem different.
today we are too busy appreciating ourselves to see anything else.

Our behaviour masks our insecurities and our coolness masks the secret desire just to be accepted, by someone, by anyone. By everyone. Yet never wanting that desire to be known. We think behaving a certain way hides the awkwardness from evryone else, and usually it does. Most of the time you can get away with it, until someone just as awkward as you sees you looking around the room searching for an approving laugh or smile and you realise the only ones who matter are the ones whove seen the naked you, the one who isnt trying, the one part of you that might still be bare and un made, lost and confused, totally unaware of who you are yet. Thats what we all really are, but just masked by the false confidence.
All the same, but so terrified of being the same, always trying to fit in, but always trying to be different.
Sometimes someone finds out, and they know youre lost before you admit it to yourself and once you admit it everything becomes easier, everything makes sense and none of it matters anymore; you can be free to really discover who you are without the desire to be cool, without the need for someone to laugh at your jokes or tell you youre good, because it doesnt matter anyway.

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