Emotion

The complexity of emotion astounds and intrigues me so much. Feelings can only be described by words so no true, 100% accurate description and explanation can ever be given because they are all just based on perception and the personal feeling that’s associated with an event or memory.There’s a million things going on in our brains to create a reaction to something but why does it happen and why for so long or so little? How is the time frame of an emotion decided? Why can one person move on from an event so easily while another can't even hear or think about it without crying? Maybe it’s due to life experiences, childhood memories or things that happened to us when we were young, a break up may be far worse for one person because they felt they’d never been loved before, or were insecure and felt isolated as a kid so to lose someone who they loved like family would seem a far worse event than to someone else who grew up safe and secure, knowing that their parents loved them, knowing they had a steady place to fall. Do all reactions and emotions stem from our early childhood years? Or do they differ due to the experiences we go through in our older years? It could have nothing to do with either and just be that some are just more feeling, while others are more lateral and logical. Logic versus raw emotion.There was a test done on baby monkeys, both were taken from their mothers at an early age, one was put into an enclosure that represented the wild with no other living thing, just a steel frame that dispensed food, the other was put in another replica of the wild with the same kind of steel frame but this time it had a furry cushion attached to it. The monkey who was brought up without the cushion grew up to be temperamental, afraid, and seemingly cold. He reacted more wildly to things and wouldn’t leave the side of the steel frame; he would eat the food it dispensed for him and occasionally sit on the ground at the bottom of it, but would always climb back up and never venture more than a few feet away. The monkey with the cushion was very attached to it, but he grew up to be far more relaxed, he would adventure around, foraging and occasionally playing. Still nowhere near as secure as a one who would have had a real mother but far more emotionally developed than the monkey without anywhere soft to lie, or place to curl up in and sleep that felt comforting. So I guess that proves our upbringing's no matter how subtly different are probably at the heart of all our reactions, fears and emotions. Jealousy doesn’t seem like a natural emotion, I think that has to do with ownership. Mine, Mine, Mine, you can’t have. Which dates back to the days of cave men, fighting for food and a safe place to sleep, and also relates to children, whether or not they were made to share when young, if they had siblings. Would someone who was an only child and never had to share with someone else grow up to be a more jealous adult? I believe they probably would. for someone who had a large family and was used to seeing things they saw as their own being used by others perhaps as an adult it would be easier for them to see an ex partner with someone else?Who fucking knows, I’m no scientist or whatever it is that investigates this shit but it intrigues me so much, I believe to overcome things you have to fully understand them and what better way to be an intelligent well adjusted person than to fully understand the dynamics of emotion, However I don’t think that could even be possible..Love and hate are the 2 that give me the most to think about because I am a person who feels things without reason and at a large extent, I’m not logical. I'm emotional. I think I am only beginning to get a grasp on how to handle my emotions because when I first started feeling things they were so new and intense, BECAUSE I felt them without reason or the desire to understand them.Everything is seemingly more complex due to today’s changing and intense circumstances, our minds are overwhelmed with things they aren’t trained to handle, in the primate days we were FOOD FOOD FOOD, PROCRIATE, EAT, SLEEP in a constant rotation. Now its FOOD, WORK, SEX, BEING SINGLE, BEIGN IN A RELATIONSHIP, KIDS, MONEY, SCHOOL, SUPERANNUATION, TAX, TRAFFIC, FIGHTS, BOOZE, DRUGS BLA bla bla, it’s too much, so we have to readjust our understanding of our minds and emotional intelligence.Love and Hate are twins, yet polar opposites, both the extremes but without one you can’t have the other and at times with one COMES the other, after love at times comes hate because it’s been to extreme to just go back to neutral. But why?? Instincts? Ownership? Fear? Instinctual Ownership.Sexual ownership and jealousy are fuelled by past sexual desires and the need to feel special. Does he do that with her? Do they fuck like we did? To find a mate is a goal of humanity, whether we like to admit it for most it is the ultimate goal of life, to not be lonely, to grow old with someone. To Breed. That is our nature. And fucking is a part of that cycle. Sexual ownership doesn’t really apply to people we just sleep with on a whim, it only seems to exist among those who have shared emotional sex, sex with someone they love or were with for a while. Someone they felt an emotional connection with. So to know that someone who, subconsciously or not, could have been a "life partner' or breeding mate is doing the things they did with you to someone else, this breeds jealousy which leads to contempt. Contempt being an emotion I personally believe to be fairly new to humanity.Anyway I could go on and on, it’s all too fucking fascinating and endless.I suppose my goal is to be a master of my own mind, to understand what I’m doing and why. To feel things but not be ruled by them.Emotion- love, jealousy, fear, hatred, sexuality, worry, happiness are never going to disappear nor should we ever want them to, but the only way to not be an overwrought crazy person fuelled by them is by knowing the reasons why and asking yourself questions. I am my own god and only I can provide insight into myself, no matter how many shrinks, counsellors, teachers,adults, psychologists or"best friends" you speak to, nobody can know the answers you want, or even the questions you're really asking except yourself