Sunday, November 15, 2009


At work today i thought itd be so funny to get a super expensive looking ring holder, like what are they called...i dunno but one that looks like itd have a watch in it or something nice. I wanted to wrap it up give it to nigel and tell him id had something special to give him for a while but now was the right time.
Then he'd unwrap it, open it and inside i wouldve put a bit of maybles dog poo.

I actually couldnt stop fucking laughing. I thought it was the most hilarious idea id ever had. So, this is me not forgetting. I told Nigel cos i thought it was too fucking hilarious not to share, so now i gotta wait til christmas to give it to him so he forgets.



"She hangs her head and, cries on my shirt
She must be hurt very badly
Tell me what's making you sadly?
Open your door, don't hide in the dark
You're lost in the dark, you can trust me.
'Cause you know that's how it must be

Lisa Lisa, sad Lisa Lisa

Her eyes like windows, tricklin' rain
Upon her pain getting deeper
Though my love wants to relieve her
She walks alone from wall to wall
Lost in a hall, she can't hear me!
Though I know she likes to be near me

Lisa Lisa, sad Lisa Lisa

She sits in a corner, by the door
There must be more I can tell her
If she really wants me to help her
I'll do what I can to show her the way
And maybe one day I will free her
Though I know no one can see her

Lisa Lisa, sad Lisa Lisa "

-Cat Stevens

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I only get days off a week and im sure as fuck not wasting them on getting drunk with you..

Theres always going to be another party, another pill to swallow and drink to skull. Its always going to seem like so much fun at 4 in the morning still high and feelin fine, with reality still a few hours away its ok, keep going, keep drinking, have another pill, drink another drink. We're young thats what its about right? We're just having a good fuckin' time.
And how fun are our days so wasted and awake, so muted by the disinterest of anything real, anything sober, anything that might make you seem a little bit like everyone else. Not just you, but him and her and me and I. So many days and nights wasted talking to you, to him to her, about you and them. How many truths did i miss out on while spinning all the lies, how much shit did i talk that led me to nowhere but back there, back there with you at almost dawn still wasted and futile. Just having a good fuckin time right? No more, not for me, no thankyou. Keep it, take it back. You can have it all. All those friendships that time will forget just as soon as you wake up to yourself or life kicks you in the ass and screams GET UP AND OUT OF ME. Keep it, i got my own shit goin on. Ive done it, ive had it, ive had you and people like you, ive been back there, ive walked around, Ive seen what there is back there, weve all done it before and it aint so new and exciting anymore. So keep it, you and the rest of them, keep it all cos i dont want it. Ill be watching movies, making pasta, playing with my dog, hanging out, playing playstation, kissing my boyfriend, riding my bike, huggin my mum, enjoying the sunshine, sitting on my balcony by myself and enjoying being alive. Doing something actual and making some memories i can actually remember.

Draw the line somewhere Mother Fucker, draw it before someone else does it for you.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Call me easy..

Sometimes i do some pretty horrible shit, today wasn't one of those times and that feels good.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


..The feeling in which you can't even pin-point an exact feeling. So heartbroken that you fear it will never go away, the days will be full of reminiscant nostalgia and the overpowering, overwhelming pull towards something or someone that doesnt exist anymore. Wishing, hoping, aching. Remembering.
And so much time is wasted, sold away to this feeling that you cant name, at times you can get lost in it, drowning in the ubiquitous memory, so afraid you may never be the same again.

Whether theyve died, or left you, whether others think this feeling is warranted or not, its there, it exists and it makes your breath a little more shallow and your priorities are lost and forgotten.

But one day, you look at someone else, you make a new friend or someone touches you in a way you couldnt feel before, its more than an action or an obligation, its something you want to do.. and slowly you start to forget those things from before and you realise new memories are being made and for the first time you don't feel bad about forgetting, you aren't scared about letting go. You see a photo, and they are happy, and instead of jealousy or hurt there is something else inside and it makes the ache fade a little.
Time goes on but the feeling doesnt go away completely, it wouldnt be human to dissappear, yet you realise its all part of the process, part of the journey to the end and it all gets a little easier. Loving, fucking, dying, losing, heartbreak, its all just human nature, the birds and the bee's. And the only cure to any of it is time.
...I think it took me so long to stop looking backwards because i was afraid of what was infront of me. But god fucking damn it feels good to look forward now.