Misery loves company

What have I learnt over the past few years?
I have been selfish, self centred. Well versed in being an arsehole a lot of the time. Partly due to my own misconceived perception that I was better than others but mostly through the jaded concept that I have had to struggle more than the next person. Oh how naïve I was, and now I can only look back and shudder at the thought. How typical…How white.
Who are any of us to judge another? We have created quite the cut throat society for ourselves.
It is ‘funny’ to be mean, our senses of humour are based on the shredding of others and it’s repulsive. Small mindedness fuelling small mindedness- spurring each other on in a battle of non wits. Whatever happened to being good or kind to your fellow man, I mean don’t get me wrong I’m quite new to this game but I know which frame of mind makes me feel like a better human being.
There is no solace in the goading of others; there is nothing but shallow conversation and lonely nights drowning in self appreciating social commentary.
It’s becoming blindingly clear that an attack upon others is a reflection of the insecurity in ourselves. The acknowledgement of others weaknesses to me represents the dismissal of our own. Its hard to look within, to crawl around our own crevices and search for our deeper meaning, what we want for ourselves, what we think of ourselves. Its pretty confronting at times especially if for most of your life you have been busy commenting on the ins and outs of others. So where do you begin?
It becomes harder and harder to distance yourself from negativity, I have had to move slowly away from the old persistent habit of gossip and nastiness. Sometimes it feels harder being kind than it does to be cruel, probably because we are creatures of habit and I had created this persona for myself, a persona that kept people from looking too closely into me and from me looking too closely into myself. I felt my past gave me some sort of wisdom, some sort of pass to be dismissive of others. It was wrong, I was wrong and that can be a hard pill to swallow. But sometimes the only way to grow is to denounce all pride, step back and say, I fucked up but oh well, tomorrow is a fresh day and tomorrow I will do something nice. Tomorrow I will smile at a stranger or have a conversation with someone I would have previously dismissed. Tomorrow when someone tries to indulge in nasty observations I will change the subject, walk away, smile and say I don’t agree. Because we all struggle, we all cry and laugh and want the same things, to love and be loved, to feel the kindness of strangers. Its incredible how much a touch on the arm or a comforting smile can mean when everything seems bleak and unoriginal. We all have our own battles so why be the one to create more.
I would be cliché and say “if I could take it all back I would” but I would be lying, if I hadn’t done the things I have, said the things ive said I would not have moved closer to who I want to be. Our paths aren’t decided for us, we are masters of our own future and if you’ve been an asshole for 25 years of your life, tomorrow can begin the next 25 years of trying to be better. Noones fucking perfect man and everyones just trying to make it through the days the best they can so unless you are a pilar of perfection, an angel sent from 'god' to judge the worthiness of others then maybe trying thinking before you say that mean thing you thought, its what I have to do everyday, break old habits, think to myself we are all sentient creatures just tyring to be happy, we all do it in our own way and each way is different, neither better nor worse than the other. And unless someone is hurting others, killing, or breeding negativity then let them be. I remind myself of this everyday and it makes the world a more beautiful place.

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”