Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Every generation needs a new revolution.


As I see it, currently we are raping the world. Straight up. Non metophorical, we are taking from it things it will never get back (not in our lifetime anyway) and I am sick and fucking tired of watching people in their all consuming laziness talk about shit they have no idea about.
Last night sitting in Nepalese Kitchen eating a delicious dinner with Nigel a group of very hip looking late 20's come and sit by us. The especially obnoxious man of the group struck up a conversation about vegetarianism and veganism. Of course this perked up my interest and I couldnt help but "overhear"

So apparently this douches siblings have been 'pescatarian'(eat no meat but fish) for many years and he just "doesnt understand it"
"If you eat fish you should eat pigs, an animals an animal and besides these animals are bred to eat bla bla bla, its each to their own. If I want to eat meat its my perogative"

I used to be a believer in "each to their own" But when the "eachs" "own" is the acceptance of our current system, when there are MILLIONS of people going hungry each night as us 'lucky westerners' goble down $10 steaks, when humans and animals are exploited every second of every hour of every day so you can suckle down a tender piece of meat at night leading you to weight gain and health issues that the rest of society will eventually have to pay for, when sentient creatures are having their throats slit and their bodies mangled so we can satisfy our gluttony, then its not really just your problem is it?
These things affect every single living, breathing being on this planet and you want me to sit back and listen to fuckwits like this dribble about a matter they clearly know nothing about? Personally, I wanted to slap him in the face with a piece of my eggplant and say WAKE UP TO YOURSELF! This apathy and acceptance of what happens in this world is exactly why we are going straight down the shitter, and FAST. Throughout history if we all just sat back and accepted the injustices of this society we would be even more miserable and doomed than we are right now. Revolution, Liberation. Strength. MANA. These words would mean NOTHING without those who spoke out against injustice and in turn created CHANGE. Real intrinsic change.
Our system is too corrupt, too money hungry to ever change from the inside, those responsible for our system are too greedy, selfish and misguided to make any of the necessary changes to keep us functioning in this world. The only changes will be those made within the individual. The only change's we can make are those that are in our micro, every day world. Start from within and work our way out.
TO stop eating meat, for me, was my first step towards living a life I can feel marginally proud of. Who was I to take the life of a creatuire that in any other situation I would be patting and admiring? Who was I to let something die for my satisfaction? I am them, they are me. We are all one in the same and yet we believe human animals have the right to enslave and exploit all other creatures in this world.
I'm sorry but it doesnt make sense.
I am tried of political correctness and shutting up because each of us have the right to do whatever we please, because quite honestly: thats a load of fucking codswollop.
We share this planet not only with other humans but with thousands of other species who are unaware of the inexplicable danger we have put them in through our misguided attempts to make the most of the world.
Any man, who is aware of the health, agricultural, humanitarian and animal welfare issues at play through the consumption of meat and yet chooses to continue that lifestyle is, in my eyes, a bad person. Pure and simple. This is why there are so few spiritually and morally aware humans who still eat factory farmed meat. The only excuse is lack of education.

Do not let animal die for you. You do not deserve it.

Monday, February 27, 2012

People are strange

I'm so fucking tired. Exhausted.





The pace of my mind and moods still manage to astound me. Last week I felt so connected to everything around me, and today I couldnt feel more disjointed if I tried.

I need more sleep.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Garmonbozia #2

I make mistakes. Alot. When I make them I make them well. Usually I manage to stick by them and reminise about them like old friends. Drunk on vodka, high on whatever else. Making excuses for bullshit by laughing.

Laughing:
Always my way of weazling out of the awkwardness of silence.

Sometimes when I think of myself I feel overwhelmned with rage, more rarely: compassion.
Like a separate person looking at myself as a child through the kaledescope of someone elses memory. Like whatever happened to me was an acid trip gone horribly wrong and has somehow become separate to who/what I am right now.

But it's never someone else. Its always me.

I suppose its just hard to take responsibility sometimes.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Resolute.

+
I want to make change
I want to be happy and make others happy too
I want to smile
I want to laugh
I want to get stoned and watch documentaries, I want to cry over nepalese food and ex boyfriends, I want to make mistakes, I want to learn from them. I want to make up for the bad and appreciate the good, I want to love and be loved, I want to travel, I want to feel everything, I want to learn, I want to waste hours watching crappy tv with my best friend, I want my best friend to be happy. I want to understand and be understood, I want to play with animals, I want to make children happy through my work. I want to make my husband happy, I want to make my Grandmother proud, I want to see my family fullfilled. I want to cry at ridiculous moments and laugh at innapropriate times. I want to get over the past and only look towards the future.

I want to lay in bed with the balcony doors open listening to the rain.
I want to be a good person, always.


-
I dont want to fight, I dont want to make enemies (or even keep the ones I already have) I dont want to be negative or cruel, I dont want to be angry, I dont want to talk smack about people and smile to their faces.
I dont want to EVER deviate from my beliefs. I want to always feel proud of who I am.

And I am starting to.
2012, I'm already in love with you.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

If you dont know, now ya' know.

Ive always rubbed people the wrong way. Always. Ever since school people would misconstru what I meant, not understand my jokes and take them as insults or take a vacant glance as a deathly glare.
My therapist came to the conclusion it was because physically I intimidate people due to my height and kind of odd looks. So before i even open my mouth people have some sort of opinion of me.. I guess thats the way of the world though and by no means do I think I have never given people a reason to disslike me. I mean ive been a pretty fucked up person. Throughout adolesence I was angry, violent and pretty much a fucking menace to be around. It was like all the years of feeling lesser than and picked on boiled up into this steaming volcano in side me that once fueld by a bottle of vodka would erupt into well...my wrath.
As ive always mentioned in previous entries, im not blind to my behaviour and I know i have hurt alot of people in the past. For this I am sorry and I do wish I could take back most of what I did throughout those tumultuous years. But to put it bluntly, that aint me anymore.
Im fucking joyous man, I couldnt be any happier. Life is good, sweet, beautiful..whatever and I'm abetter person because of this. When I drink now I get the giggles, I dance with my friends, we create a little world for ourselves that noone else can really penetrate so it kinda blows my mind when people still to this day assume the worst of me. Dont get me wrong, i get it. I do. There are stories flowing through this small ass town and a reputation I cant shake but im an adult, as are we all, so if ive done something wrong, something I am most probably completely oblivious to... do ya mind just telling me? Pull me aside, give me a call, send me a message, SOMETHING! instead of prompting school yard reactions to something I dont even know ive done.

Sydney, you spectacularly gorgeous girl, this is what you do to people. As much as I love this city...You spur on one small fucking town mentality that, at times, makes it impossible to enjoy You!

The issue with society, especially in the younger generations, is that we let things fester. We assume, or listen to one version of a story and then that is somehow defined as the truth. But there are 2 sides, did ya know?
We seem to forget this most often when our friends tell us something. It becomes gospel. I have been guilty of this as im sure we all have. But is life really so busy, are we all so flat out getting drunk and having fun that it takes too much time to ask, or to come to ones OWN conclusion??

Yes, we're pack animals, we prefer to roam together, play together, make opinions together...but lets be honest, its all just school yard shit and we all act so happy to be independent adults and solo thinkers, yet we still judge one another on the words of a friend, we all stand up for our friends without a second thought, and although these seems like admirable traits, sometimes, they arent right.

I dont know why I get so worked up, or analyse situations to the point of sending myself just a little bit crazy. I guess its because i know how much ive changed, and I know I am now a different person to who I was back then...Sometimes I just wish I had the opportunity for everyone else to understand that too.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Nigel

I will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.

-Bukowski