Us.

For two nights I woke up not knowing where I was, unafraid but confused as to how old I was, which bed I was sleeping in and whose warm and comforting body it was that lay next to me. Mum? am I 12 again in our little flat overlooking the harbour sleeping next to you because of bad dreams? Am I young and innocent? Am I happy or sad? Am I content with the circumstances that led me to this moment of wonder... So I lay there and quietly replayed my life, listened to the sounds of the room, the sounds that will me to sleep every night and I remembered it's my husband quietly snorring next to me, it's our room with the small french doors and the over flowing clothing rack, the chest of drawers at the foot of our bed full of memories and photgraphs, the familiar shadows on the wall, the bed side table with the collage of our lives, memories, friends, books, albums and my dog is sleeping soundly at the door. Its then that I feel relief. Relief that the pain is gone, relief that I have no shame or secrets, no real worries and no broken heart. I realise that I am happy and everything surrounding me is a culmination of that happiness... Which is when I remember you and I reach down to my stomach, feel the warm flesh under which I know youre hiding and I smile because I know there is no family or home you could be born into that would be filled with more love and happiness than the one i'm going to give you. There is no time or place for you except this one right here with me. The nightmares are gone, the late nights are gone and all there is right now is this and I went back to sleep knowing everything is going to be ok.

Heartbeat.

The wonder of the unknown is endless and sometimes I waste so much time on it I forget where I am. Dreams turn into reality or I forget which one came first.

Time to say goodbye and live in the chapter that has just started. I wish just saying it made it so.

LOCO AIMEE

Dear you,

I would send this to you directly however as I understand it you don’t have the mental capacity to comprehend what I’m going to write, so due to your rudimentary ability to think for yourself; this note is more for my own sanity.

As much as I find all the dribble that has been falling from your mouth humorous, I’m not going to deny feeling oddly offended that someone I have never had a conversation with, let alone “gotten to know” on a personal level seems to think she has some sort of insight into my life and those in it, or more importantly the right to comment on it.
Perhaps when you get a little older and reflect on the utter shit that has come out of your mouth you will sigh and think “geez how silly I was”, because most of us are lucky enough to have those moments.
However I have an inkling perhaps that particular moment of clarity will abate you and you will probably remain a gossiping twerp for the rest of your life- but I do hope you prove me wrong.

If you have questions or comments about other people’s lives my recommendation to you is to simply voice them to the people they regard. It’s not difficult and in fact clearing the air is usually the best and most responsible thing to do for yourself so as not to look like a demented teenager with nothing else to do but talk shit.

If you had heard stories about me through the ever so long and arduous grapevine I do wish you had have just asked me about them.
Instead of grasping onto them with your desperate little paws, you could’ve gotten to know me, made your own opinion like a real life grown up and perhaps then your opinions would hold some weight. But unfortunately now your arrogant and misinformed opinions of me and people I love are public knowledge and the “deer in headlights” look that smears itself across your head every time I see you, (previously of which I had thought completely confusing and unfounded), is now completely justified. Because finally: I don’t like you.

See the difference between you and I is that regardless of what I had heard through various friends and acquaintances I was determined to make my own mind up about you (fingers crossed you learn this trait sooner rather than later) But more than that quite frankly I didn’t give enough of a shit about you to really care about the inane crap that is your opinion. You merely existed in the same world as me, a younger and newer addition of lots of other girls that have come and gone.
Now after months of your name being brought up and your boring thoughts being made public knowledge: I have to have an opinion, and quite honestly it’s a pain in my arse.

So to answer your queries regarding myself and my husband here you go:

My husband and I used to have a volatile relationship, but as adults do we learnt to move past the hard times and become a more resiliant couple because of it. We have gone through things I doubt you could fathom at your mental age and funnily enough all it did was reiterate how strong we are as a couple. Our marriage was a celebration of love that had grown so strong over the years we knew nothing could break it.
We will live a long, happy life together, have a family, have problems, overcome problems and continuing making eachother happy even when it isnt sunshine and rainbows. We are thankful for your concern though and think it's cute you took such an interest in our lives :)

For the rest of your synopsis that I’m “gnarly” or “crazy” or whatever other words you use to describe me, well for all you know perhaps I am all those things and I’ll come find you one night and beat the living shit out of you.. or perhaps I’m just a normal person who you decided to judge because you're clearly too vapid to make up your own mind… I guess you'll just have to wait and find out.



Now, next time you have a question or comment regarding our lives, please feel free to just ask me, I’m open to emails ;)

Every generation needs a new revolution.

As I see it, currently we are raping the world. Straight up. Non metophorical, we are taking from it things it will never get back (not in our lifetime anyway) and I am sick and fucking tired of watching people in their all consuming laziness talk about shit they have no idea about.
Last night sitting in Nepalese Kitchen eating a delicious dinner with Nigel a group of very hip looking late 20's come and sit by us. The especially obnoxious man of the group struck up a conversation about vegetarianism and veganism. Of course this perked up my interest and I couldnt help but "overhear"

So apparently this douches siblings have been 'pescatarian'(eat no meat but fish) for many years and he just "doesnt understand it"
"If you eat fish you should eat pigs, an animals an animal and besides these animals are bred to eat bla bla bla, its each to their own. If I want to eat meat its my perogative"

I used to be a believer in "each to their own" But when the "eachs" "own" is the acceptance of our current system, when there are MILLIONS of people going hungry each night as us 'lucky westerners' goble down $10 steaks, when humans and animals are exploited every second of every hour of every day so you can suckle down a tender piece of meat at night leading you to weight gain and health issues that the rest of society will eventually have to pay for, when sentient creatures are having their throats slit and their bodies mangled so we can satisfy our gluttony, then its not really just your problem is it?
These things affect every single living, breathing being on this planet and you want me to sit back and listen to fuckwits like this dribble about a matter they clearly know nothing about? Personally, I wanted to slap him in the face with a piece of my eggplant and say WAKE UP TO YOURSELF! This apathy and acceptance of what happens in this world is exactly why we are going straight down the shitter, and FAST. Throughout history if we all just sat back and accepted the injustices of this society we would be even more miserable and doomed than we are right now. Revolution, Liberation. Strength. MANA. These words would mean NOTHING without those who spoke out against injustice and in turn created CHANGE. Real intrinsic change.
Our system is too corrupt, too money hungry to ever change from the inside, those responsible for our system are too greedy, selfish and misguided to make any of the necessary changes to keep us functioning in this world. The only changes will be those made within the individual. The only change's we can make are those that are in our micro, every day world. Start from within and work our way out.
TO stop eating meat, for me, was my first step towards living a life I can feel marginally proud of. Who was I to take the life of a creatuire that in any other situation I would be patting and admiring? Who was I to let something die for my satisfaction? I am them, they are me. We are all one in the same and yet we believe human animals have the right to enslave and exploit all other creatures in this world.
I'm sorry but it doesnt make sense.
I am tried of political correctness and shutting up because each of us have the right to do whatever we please, because quite honestly: thats a load of fucking codswollop.
We share this planet not only with other humans but with thousands of other species who are unaware of the inexplicable danger we have put them in through our misguided attempts to make the most of the world.
Any man, who is aware of the health, agricultural, humanitarian and animal welfare issues at play through the consumption of meat and yet chooses to continue that lifestyle is, in my eyes, a bad person. Pure and simple. This is why there are so few spiritually and morally aware humans who still eat factory farmed meat. The only excuse is lack of education.

Do not let animal die for you. You do not deserve it.

People are strange

I'm so fucking tired. Exhausted.





The pace of my mind and moods still manage to astound me. Last week I felt so connected to everything around me, and today I couldnt feel more disjointed if I tried.

I need more sleep.

Garmonbozia #2

I make mistakes. Alot. When I make them I make them well. Usually I manage to stick by them and reminise about them like old friends. Drunk on vodka, high on whatever else. Making excuses for bullshit by laughing.

Laughing:
Always my way of weazling out of the awkwardness of silence.

Sometimes when I think of myself I feel overwhelmned with rage, more rarely: compassion.
Like a separate person looking at myself as a child through the kaledescope of someone elses memory. Like whatever happened to me was an acid trip gone horribly wrong and has somehow become separate to who/what I am right now.

But it's never someone else. Its always me.

I suppose its just hard to take responsibility sometimes.

Resolute.

+
I want to make change
I want to be happy and make others happy too
I want to smile
I want to laugh
I want to get stoned and watch documentaries, I want to cry over nepalese food and ex boyfriends, I want to make mistakes, I want to learn from them. I want to make up for the bad and appreciate the good, I want to love and be loved, I want to travel, I want to feel everything, I want to learn, I want to waste hours watching crappy tv with my best friend, I want my best friend to be happy. I want to understand and be understood, I want to play with animals, I want to make children happy through my work. I want to make my husband happy, I want to make my Grandmother proud, I want to see my family fullfilled. I want to cry at ridiculous moments and laugh at innapropriate times. I want to get over the past and only look towards the future.

I want to lay in bed with the balcony doors open listening to the rain.
I want to be a good person, always.


-
I dont want to fight, I dont want to make enemies (or even keep the ones I already have) I dont want to be negative or cruel, I dont want to be angry, I dont want to talk smack about people and smile to their faces.
I dont want to EVER deviate from my beliefs. I want to always feel proud of who I am.

And I am starting to.
2012, I'm already in love with you.